I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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