I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
