we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
