Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
