I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
