You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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