I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
