don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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