Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
