So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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