soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
