She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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