in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
