if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
