Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
