is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When are your genitals available?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
