Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
