I met the friendliest cop last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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