She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
