Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
