WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we're so committed to being not committed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
