someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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