careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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