it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
