I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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