OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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