She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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