Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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