Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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