LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
