And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
