Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
