wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
