just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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