meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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