so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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