i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
