is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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