i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I stole a fireplace last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
