this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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