I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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You. Win. At. Life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
