dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think my vagina is haunted
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You ruined the universe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
