We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we have pet lesbian snakes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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