This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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