Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
