Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
