margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Having a random hookup so left but love u
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
