We're like a lot better than the average bears
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
