I think my vagina is haunted
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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