I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
