I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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