we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His nipple licking is glorious
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